it’s so easy.

It’s so easy to be in love with One who loves you so deeply – who is for you and not against you – who has written your name upon His hands – who has shed His blood to wipe away all trace of your wickedness and depravity. It’s so incredibly easy to love others who share your worldview, who love the very One who loved us all first… Oh my God, I just want to cry and weep and fall on my face before that very One right now – because whilst it may be so easy to love Him, it’s just not all that easy to love your “enemy” or, at least to portray that love. My heart is torn into teeny tiny little pieces, all of them beating and bleeding for these supposed “enemies” of mine – and yet I oftentimes wonder if they can feel or even see that love. Oh God, I feel Your love so strongly – it causes the broken places in me to cry out for mercy…

I don’t even know what to say. My heart yearns, breaks, hurts, cries, loves, beats, wants so much more for those who just don’t know what true Love really is. I’m crying now, and feel utterly ridiculous for it, but it’s ok. I’m not going to put on this facade – my heart is so burdened right now, and my spirit feels it strongly. God is so faithful, capable of moving even the most depraved heart (I would know, He’s done a work on mine) but sometimes the darkness I see just feels unshakable. Truth says that the darkness is not unshakable, and so I will abide in that. My heart is being shredded in this season. I’m in the middle of a season of consecration, of God rearranging the old way of thinking and showing me His thoughts, His ways, His design for this thing called Love… It’s a messy process, transitioning out of your old habits and into the grace and mercy of God. My flesh would rather not have to die, but my spirit cries out for the nails and hammer that mean death and away with the rotten, depraved wickedness of my heart. Jesus is shining His marvelous light in my life – revealing the places in me that do not love as He loves. The pain can be overwhelming, but restoration comes after destruction. He will rebuild the ruins of my heart.

Love is all I have to cling to – everything else will fade away, nothing else will heal this wound.