My eyes have been opened to a lot in the past couple of weeks. One thing must be said to sum of the days of late – God is sovereign, He is faithful. I’ve dived deeper and fallen harder, been completely torn to pieces by the God of all creations, and have entered into a restoration process of sorts. My heart has been rent – my heart has been completely shredded. Old mindsets, hidden bitterness, dormant idolatry has surfaced and been ripped away. The purging is not complete I fear – and yet, I am excited at the same time because this inevitable purging means that what God says in His word is without a doubt true. [But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.]
His faithfulness is beyond my comprehension – it stretches past the night skies and on into eternity past, eternity present, eternity to come… His lovingkindness towards me is starting to make more sense, although, I’m fairly certain it won’t all come together until I actually see Him in all His glory. In all seriousness though – through the refining fire, through the sanctification, God has showed me the beauty of pure love. I believe He is molding this blackened heart of mine – turning the stone into flesh – breathing life into the veins – aligning it’s beat to match His own. The reason I’ve started to comprehend a little bit better His lovingkindness, His endless mercy and pure, unadulterated LOVE is because I’ve been immersed in it, and I’m starting to walk in it.
I can be a pretty personable person. I can compliment and flatter up a tree. I can make a person walk away feeling warm and fuzzy and encouraged… but all of that is DROSS and will be burnt up in the end. Can I love? Can I love like He loves? He is making me to love like He loves. The judgment, the bitterness, the hurt, the offense that I used to walk in is being burnt burnt BURNT out of my life. He truly is a Healer. I reflected on the past week or two today and I noticed a shift in my own attitude, in my own way of thinking. I mean, where I am right now compared to where I was three years ago is an incredible testimony of God’s graciousness as it is – but these past couple of weeks I have started to feel alive in a new way.
There is TRUTH found in the practice of prayer. Steadfast prayer will accomplish much, I mean, even Jesus is an intercessor. I’ve been praying His love over me, that His love would change my heart and cause me to see people as He sees them – to love as He loves. It sounds like a cliche christian prayer, I know, but I think it’s one of the most powerful prayers I’ve ever prayed.
I am seeing people in a new light, I am viewing current relationships in a new, precious way. My heart is bursting right now as I think of the random conglomeration of people that have a hold on my heart. My beautiful Marcella – best friend and beloved sister in Christ, though she is 1600 miles away – is a constant joy and encouragement in my life. Her prayers have kept me afloat during the hard times. She’s just one of the many joys in my life. A more recent addition – Nathaniel Stephen. What a wonderful man of God! I am blessed by his presence in my life, by his constant encouragement and gentle rebuke. There are so many more. My enduring momma – she’s such a trooper, such a lover. My spiritual momma, Deborah Anne, constantly pushing me to love Jesus more, to be a better woman, a gentle spirited woman. My beautiful co-workers… so full of life and passion and most in desperate need of Jesus. They’re such a random bunch, but so incredibly full of hidden potential and beauty. And oh man, the random people I come in contact with every day at work – there’s Mickey… what a lover Mickey is! He’s had a hard life, but in his adulthood he found Jesus. His joy is CONTAGIOUS, his love for others is evident. God has been so good to Mickey, so gracious. Even those most hardened at work cannot help but love Mickey. Then there’s Paul. He’s been to Iraq twice, going back again in August for another year and a half… He’s definitely lost a part of himself fighting in this war – but he comes in every day, lost or found, just to feel the warmth of being surrounded by people I think. He is definitely searching for the love of Christ – he knows God is real and wants more of Him. There are so many others, I could go on…
The friends, the random people I come into contact with, the beautiful souls that fill up my days… it’s overwhelming lately. God is teaching me to cherish, to hold tight to each minute with these precious ones – for today could be the end, tomorrow might never come, heaven just may be calling me home tonight.
He’s teaching me the importance of love, but also what love actually means. To love is to submit. To love is to choose someone else over yourself. To love is to not have to justify your position on things, to not always have to be right. To love is to encourage and to pray for and to give without thought of any gain for yourself. The more you truly love, the more you give of yourself, of your possessions, of your time… and the less you require of others, the less you need. To discover the ultimate Love is to turn your back on any other paths to love – you realize, you don’t need any other route because you’ve already found what is GOOD, what is HOLY, what is PURE. To love is to walk in life without offense, in humility, with open ears and an open heart to being taught and rebuked and built up by those who love you in return. To love is to die, for passion also means suffering, and just as Christ suffered and was put to death, so must love put to death the wickedness in our hearts.
I just am amazed by this Holy God who loves me so much. I am just amazed that He is making me to look like His image. He is just so faithful.
